Where am I going? What am I doing?

This entry is not supposed to sound grammatically correct or anything like my usual nasty self. It's a rant, a torrent of emotions, a blurt-out, a self indulgent piece of writing that I'd not want to read again.

Do their homework, take their classes, fail their exams...fail fail fail. Get rejected, ignored, humiliated until you can't take it anymore. Get turned away from anything and everything you do. Be misjudged. Misunderstood. Hold an opportunity in your sweaty hands, and watch it slip away like sand. Finally, the term 'loser' makes sense...first time you fall head first into a ditch and that too at the most crucial time of your life. You can't live for your passion, and you can't die for the sake of living. You have no clue what the future holds for you, and everyday you fail your expectations and then you deal with your ever-so-successful peer, your parents, and even after that if you have energy left, you have to console yourself.
When you come second, only your wife and dog care about you. And when you fail, you don't exist. Nobody wants you, nobody cares anymore. Why would they? You hold up, you hang on, you vow never to give up. But those failures are like running spiked shoes stomping on your hands, trying to hold up...so desperately trying.

And then you fall.